In this series, I explore conversations with friends my generation about the things our shared Christian faith has inspired, affirmed and challenged in our marriages, workplaces, church, etc. Daphne Byamukama is a blogger, proud first-time mom and homemaker, she’s married to a blogger Husband with whom they lead and serve at Veracity Fount.

1. Good to catch up Daph, a little brief of what you have been up to lately, what have your first years of parenting looked like for example? 

Thank you Eddie! for starters, taking care of my household is pretty much top priority for me. I have been spending a lot more time with my husband who has finally completed his Masters of Divinity. I have also been keeping up with our 14-month-old son, Abaho, who is quite a tremendous joy to be around. I’m currently taking an online CCEF class on the dynamics of Biblical change. This is also a time in which as a family, we are winding up our time here in the US. Sadly, we are saying most of the goodbyes to friends here ‘online’.

My first year of parenting has been quite humbling; the call to sacrifice all of who you are to relate to a newborn has stretched me more than I ever thought, from reorganizing my day, meal plans where I spend time etc. I once told our Pastor that when I sing the baby lullaby, Jesus loves me to Abaho, more often it is to cheer me up because I realized just how needy I am of God as Abaho is of me. So I often think of myself as a steward as in the parable of talents in the Bible. Hence, I have sought to care for Abaho seeking to learn and grow rather than from a know-it-all attitude. And overall, it is turning out to be quite the adventure.

2. Among many things, COVID has reminded us, all mums are teachers, even when they don’t teach at home, what other advantages should mums make much of in these days? 

First, I think this crisis has reminded us how important it is to have a safe home not only for children but adults too. I believe we should take advantage of the time to intentionally spend more time with our children, bond and get to know each other well. By the way, it is interesting you ask that! I just shared with a friend some fun moments of my son reading with his Dad, Joseph. I believe mums should plan activities that actively enable dads to engage with children, one on one, and as family.

3. What thoughts frequently come to you about Young Ugandan Christian women back home in Uganda? 

The thought that comes to mind is how many of young Christian women in Uganda are ‘feelers’ in the sense that many seek “feel” good church experiences. As a result It gets so easy for them to get swayed by “every wind of doctrine” (Eph 4:14). ‘The aspect of loving God with “our minds” (Luke 10:27) is lacking among our Christian women in Uganda. 

I also find it sad that many women bible studies I know stand or fall on the strength of  ‘a one particular woman who knows it all while the rest stay dependent on her’ teaching’ style. 

There is a need for more discipleship so that each woman can know for themselves how God’s word bridges to their lives, they should nurture an ability to articulate scripture without an over-dependence on the teacher.

4. African Feminism as we know it today responds to some worthy concerns like vulnerability protection et al, where do things often get blurry? 

I do agree with you that it highlights very solid points of contention that need to be discussed, However, it is important to note that feminism does not only expose these various issues in our culture. It is more than that.  Feminism steps into the family of -‘isms’ and presents itself as a worldview. It seeks to lend itself to us as a lens through which we can interpret all of history, re-define male-female relationships and subtly give us a distorted worldview.

 The second challenge of feminism is that it encourages the battle between the sexes which only adds fire to the fuel in many conversations rather than allowing them to peaceably engage each other. And lastly, it teaches women to own the group ‘vulnerability’ even when in many communities, what we call ‘gender-based’ issues only highlight the plight of the women and not men.

5. Our Parents’ generation never had Twitter fights over women rights online, what objections should Ug Christian women anticipate in evangelizing their post-modern sisters? 

The first objection that comes to mind is how the Gospel speaks to areas of injustice in our culture and the level of sensitivity we have shown those who have experienced abuse.

The second one I anticipate is in regard to our stand on the family. We must be ready to engage the assumption that the “church has also played a huge role in maintaining ‘patriarchy to enslave women.”

We will need to reason with them on issues of the value of marriage in light of the Gospel, but also how we equally embrace those who are single and serving in many vocations to the benefit of others.

I can also see friends ask, ‘where are these so-called examples of women and their marriages that are not tainted by the cultural stereotypes?’ I believe It will be fundamental that we not only evangelize but also live out the convictions of the Gospel with which we persuade them.

6. What is the explosive potential of family in stabilizing societies, where may African women  be gaining and losing ground? 

We all learned in primary school that the family is the smallest unit in a society. While it is the smallest, it does not mean that it is insignificant or what happens there does not matter. We live in an era in which women earn salaries and enjoy a whole range of rights. 

How we use those rights is either a potential for the growth of our families or their spiraling detriment. The right to education for more girls for example means that we can pursue tour callings publicly in ways it had not been possible before. However, it has become the norm to replace the word ‘calling’ with ‘career’/ punch in 9 to 5 pm job.  

This has led to many thinking that if anything steps in front of their career, it must go, which leaves our most essential role at home often unattended. How about we become open about using our skills in family-friendly ways, seeing how many this benefits?

 I believe that remembering our role as nurturers is unique to the stability of our families, rather than seeking to fight injustice everywhere else other than our own backyard, at home, which goes a long way to strengthening the family unit and eventually a nation.

7. You have maintained a blog, what are you learning about writing lately? 

Three things. First, it is a skill that requires discipline and stretches your thinking capacity. I often assumed that it will be easy because I loved it. Not true at all. I have had to invest more time to organizing my thoughts before I put them on paper which has been quite a challenge yet a good learning curve.

Second, everybody has got to figure out what their writing style is and learn to be comfortable in your own skin. It is easy to be taken up with ‘how will I sound?’ or ‘will it make sense?’ The moment I pay attention to those voices, the more I lose my uniqueness to articulate what I really want to say. 

Writing is a platform in which your reflections can help others rethink their own to either good or bad ends. When I realized this, I became more intentional about what I write about and reduced my ‘spur of the moment’ articles.

8. Tell us about a book you last read?

I just finished reading “Inward Journey, Outward Journey” by Elizabeth O’Connor. It is an account of a church plant in Washington State, the U.S. that sought to encourage their members flourish in the spiritual disciplines and to intentionally use their gifts to benefit the community they were.

They held onto the idea that if the church truly understands her purpose, each member ought to be thinking about how they can be missional which they referred to as the outward journey while engaging in the spiritual disciplines which they call the inward journey.

I found the account quite enlightening since I have been grappling the question of how the church stays faithful to the teaching of the Gospel and is visible in the service of community wherever it is.

9. What do you know now that you didn’t know on your wedding day? 

Looking back on that day,  I can say that the most important part of it was taking the vows and all else was really negotiable.  Even though we had a small wedding, I feel like I held on too tightly on things that were not essential.

I have reflected more on our vows and realized that I should have put a lot more prayers into them as compared to how my hair would turn out. But as a side note, I recently found out that brides wearing white gowns are an English custom which began in the Victorian Era of the 1800’s. Formerly, brides wore black among other brighter colors. I was taken aback by how heavily invested we are in Western culture!

10: What’s your encouragement for young Ugandan women seeking to know God without the oft-spiritual manipulation of “prophets, apostles” and the like?

I would like to add that our prophets over emphasize their ‘gifts’ as a sign of their legitimacy which is contrary to the picture in the New Testament. The New Testament gives us a good balance of using one’s gifts with a willingness to be accountable to the local church while calling us to bear fruit through godly character. Therefore it is crucial to ask oneself these questions; How is the study of God’s word shaping my thoughts, heart and conduct towards my neighbor? Am I growing to be more like Christ?

Then, I encourage them to spend more time in the scriptures, learn to have a holy curiosity like the Bereans in Acts 17:4. Before you quickly jump to what does this text mean for me, the first two questions to ask should be what does this text mean, and what does it say about God?

Second, find a community of believers where the preaching and study of God’s word is taken most seriously. Does the local church you are apart of delve into a proper exegesis of the word or does the Pastor build a whole sermon around one verse? What is your Pastor’s attitude towards questions or objections you have about his sermon? Does his teaching line up with the rest of the scriptures?