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I remember it like it was yesterday, a little “deliverance” room behind the church building where exorcisms happened, many flocked in there distraught, mostly ladies, beaten by life, a wayward teenager left back in the house, a strained marriage, financial chaos, seeking spiritual solutions did they?

Strange noises would often emerge, but we all overhearing, acted spiritual, probably a shriek of another demon being cast out, who would dare tamper where spirits are crisscrossing. “Don’t these things require a certain revelation?” we reasoned, “who can question God’s anointed one?” Aren’t the “things of God” supposed to be mysterious? we excused scenarios away.

Years later, you learn, there was more than what met the eye, young women especially, were taken advantage of, and intentions were good but methods were mixed with “holy self-service.” A shrieking young woman, slightly indecent, threw herself on the floor under the pretext of “an attack” but guess who was literally watching it all, a male pastor with red blood in his veins, away from his wife. Anyway, a follow-up “prayer appointment” between the two happened a week later, and nobody except her can detail how everything ended, years later.

Pause

Others were manipulated into bringing more ‘envelopes”, taking trips with the Pastor, demon-labeled, unquestionable “submission to Papa” was the slogan, counseling sessions became personal chats, and many would forever live guilt-tripped by a “word spoken over their life by the man-ah-Gad”. For some that’s all they ever know (and hate) about the Christian faith.

But maybe we are getting too extreme, think of the common “man of God/Papa/Mama/spiritual father” he’s a leader of a fellowship or church where he only reports to himself, with no sending church, no elders (or lets say just a few “yes men”)

Everybody around him is looking for a livelihood, well, he has more money and goodwill, (partly thanks to your generosity and his eloquence) so when he speaks, you basically just nod on, verses he quotes and makes his point, nobody opens their Bible to confirm, or ask about the original context, he’s both the church’s memorizer/counselor, and interpreter-in chief, all of you just need to wait for Papa’s revelation, after all, you are too busy to read the Bible all week, or need you?

“Offstage,” questions about him arise, but you rarely care, “nobody’s perfect anyway.” you know all this because you often see it backdoor, maybe as someone serving with him, his relative, a congregant. His suit is often more straight than his manners, he’s harsher to cleaners and and often cares zero about service providers, he talks most in meetings, because well, he’s used to talking most on the pulpit, (and paid to do so) for that matter. He gets the mic every time so nobody’s ever questioned his spiritual need.

If you are lucky and he remembers your name, it’s because you work for a prestigious organization and your tithe may be too costly to lose. As a Christian in leadership, I often see the temptation, to elevate myself, to want to be served, to take advantage, to be entitled, some I lead could easily (and willingly) come along, yet I forget, all this “honor” could easily spiral into manipulation, I could start assuming friendships where they are not, my smartphone thumbs can easily grow reluctant about “direct messaging” things could easily turn interesting, if not downhill.

When it comes to spiritual abuse, the red flags are always showing, the question is whether we are always asking, or towing along?

As someone in ministry, I am learning, that my people own a Bible too, and my main job should be to help them understand it. Enough. I should be so secure in Christ to not “need” their applause.

Lord help, a lot of rampant spiritual abuse starts with people like me getting some weekly (if not private) spiritual audience, loving God’s word in public yet neglecting it for personal renewal, and continuing to pedal on anyway, because responsibilities demand right? someone has to preach next Sunday, a speaking invitation awaits on my office table, and the event posters bearing my face just got printed. “Papa” of many.

Amidst the busyness, Jesus insists that Mary had done a better thing to sit at his feet, paying attention to him, there is a reason why Apostle Paul also calls Timothy to not only pay attention to his doctrine but his life too.

Alot of spiritual abuse always looks normal until it’s no longer, just as we pray our spiritual leaders to pay attention to themselves, we too must read the signs before it’s too late.

What subtle, yet absurd behavior, may you be tolerating among your spiritual leaders lately?